Two comes with Trials

When Priscilla turned 2, she has changed from a sweet and adorable little angel, to a demanding, physically abusive challenge! Almost everyday, her carer has to tolerate her hitting, biting, pinching and finally, her ear piercing cries that have garnered enough decibels to reach our neighbours who are more than 3 houses away.

Once in a while, I will be rewarded with reminiscences of her past through her dramatic giggles at jokes that she did not fathom, silly dances in front of the TV, serious guitar playing look-alike whenever she hears a good song and sensitivity towards others. Recently, my mum returned from the hospital with a knee replacement. For almost 2 weeks, Prissy would go up to her grandmother and offered comforting words like “ Pain ah? Po Po, pain ah?” while pointing at her knees. Even such kind gestures are overshadowed by her bossiness and mean behaviour after a while.

One day, while my mum was complaining to me how naughty Prissy had become, the house bell rang and a visitor was at the door for her. Almost immediately, Prissy went round the house, looking for her walking stick and promptly delivered the much needed aid. “Ah, see I told you, Prissy is such a good girl at times!” marveled my mum, clearly charmed by the youngest in the family again.

I guessed the ultimate kick off came was when I was doing bible study with my kids on James 1: 1-5, I asked Joseph to list down what would be his greatest trials. Initially, he had problems understanding the word “trial”. “ Its something that is challenging, and requires great patience.” I explained in simple terms. “Taking care of Prissy!” he said instantly! Poor boy, I can’t blame him. Whenever he lays out his toys to play, Prissy will either mess up his game or took some parts and declared “ ITS MINE!” If he were to forcefully grab the toy back, he will be rewarded with her shrieking cries. While trying my best to look understanding and holding back my smiles, I asked “James 1:2 says if you meet trials, how are you to response?”. “ Consider it all joy!” came his disjointed reply.

At that instance, I realised that God is reminding me that I too should consider Prissy’s growth phase as a joy! Afterall, its good to see her developing and growing! It's indeed a greater joy for me to witness that God is using Prissy to shape both Joseph and Clarissa: They have learnt to be more tolerant and creative when taking care of their little sister. Good job kids!  

Burning Coals

For a long time, I didn't understand this verse in the bible:-

Instead, "If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads." Romans 12:20

Then again, it doesn't really matter as this is not the only verse that I don’t understand in the bible, although the phrase “heap burning coals” does sound uninviting and almost tragic.

There is always sibling rivalry between Clarissa and Joseph, which I normally leave them to resolve by themselves: I hate being Judge Dredd, its both time consuming and emotionally draining.  Unfortunately, by letting the kids decide on the outcome of their feud could lead to undesired results.

On one occasion, Clarissa was upset with Joseph (nothing’s new!) for disturbing her.  Instead of putting out the fire, she took vengeance. The result? It was a crossfire that necessitates the intervention of Judge Dredd!

All I could tell was: I was mad at Joseph for initiating the fight and even more furious at Clarissa for adding fuel to the fire. At the back of my mind, I was doing a playback. Had Clarissa acted maturely, and walked away, I would have showered her with much love and praises. Not only would she have saved me time and heartbreak, she would have exhibited a good example for Joe to emulate. “And, I would have been really proud of you!” I told her with a disapprovingly look. “Now, you have made me even madder at you than I would at Joe alone!” Clearly, her eyes were telling me that none of this was her fault if Joe hadn’t started it all.

At that very moment, it clicked! Yes, when we allow God to take control over an unfair situation, God would be only “mad” at the culprit, equivalent to heaping burning coals over his/her head. However, if we were to take matters into our own hands, our Father would end up disciplining both “us” and the culprit. What perfect sense! Thank you Lord for using my kids to teach me. Now, please grant me patience, patience and patience to deal with them.

Children Devotions

I could think of 101 reasons why I can’t do daily devotions with my kids: such as Prissy is disruptive and it will be too late to wait till she is asleep; Joe can’t read well which means that I will be doing most of the reading and he ends up being distracted and bored; Clarissa can do her own devotions as she is old enough! I’m cleared of my responsibilities, no?

Then, my brother moves back to Kampar with his brood. As his house is still under renovation, his family of 6 stay with us and much to my amazement, both him and my sister-in-law read the bible daily with their 4 kids. Still, I am only slightly inspired!

The crunch came when I received news that England, who once experienced the greatest revivals and commissioned the most number of missionaries in the past 2 centuries, has the lowest church goers statistics compared to other Europeans counterparts and it is now at the brink of bankruptcy! As a Christian, I do believe there is direct correlation between the two.

“What had happened?” I wondered. “Did not the previous generations pass on what they had experienced to the next generations?” I asked myself. “No, the parents had failed to share Christ with their children. In fact, they were like you, having all the excuses of not telling their children of who their Heavenly Father is!” came the God’s gentle small voice.

That was the turning point in my parenthood. Since then, I started reading the bible with my kids and I must say that now, there are 101 reasons I could think of why we should do our bible devotion with our kids! :-

1.     The ten-minute bible reading helps me not only to understand God’s words better but to understand Joseph and Clarissa better too!

2.     Joseph gets to share and reflect about what he had experienced during the day. I am so excited to see the thinker side of him immerging;

3.     Although Clarissa understands what she is reading better, I could help her see the application side of the scriptures. Through this process, her faith has increased immensely;

4.     By being vulnerable and applying the scriptures to my own life, I find that both of them open up to me like never before. I am sure glad that they are willing to share whatever that is bothering them.

5.     Most of all, we could all see God at work in our lives, through our struggles and our successes. He is indeed real in us and that is the greatest reward that I could ever ask for.

Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deut 6:7

Turning 41

The day that I turned 41, there was a rainbow summoned to make my day colourful and the sun was shining so brightly that I thought, God was smiling down at me. The traffic was cleared, as though everyone knew that it was my special day and they had used other roads to get to their destinations. Everyone I met was smiling at me, giving me their approving nods. Clearly, this must be a dream!

However, only half of this dream is true and in real life, it gets better! God is smiling down at me, not just on the day that I turned 41 but on everyday of my life! It was my usual morning, and I did suspect that someone is going to throw in a surprise for me, which will not be a surprise, because I’m mentally prepared: I will definitely not tear like last year. “I will be composed!” I promised myself.  But of course, in the element of surprise, there is always something I’ve missed out.

Finally, when I stepped into the office, someone was hastily carrying a tray of plates into the boardroom! There was party atmosphere in the air. This year was a different as my brother, his wife and my dad turned out unexpectedly and gave a short summary of what they thought of me. And, lo and behold, my tears came. I could barely contain myself when it was my dad’s turn to speak. He started with talking about his bad habits, and then, he talked about me. Although he has not always been there for me (and my brother), he is proud to see that we are walking along the right path. “If I were to pass on, I am happy to know that you will be doing fine. I loved the two of you!” He said hugging both my brother and I.

That was the melting point in my life! This was the first time, I hear my dad approving of me! It's a miracle to hear him say this words, which I never thought would take place. Don’t get me wrong here its just that I know that my dad is not an expressive person. At that very moment, I could safely say that both my brother and I hear this for the first time in our lives! It carries a weightage of healing, freedom and inexplicable emotions.

More importantly, I am more convicted than before that God’s hands are on our lives. Its almost as though He is the one who is doing all the work backstage, preparing for this day to come: from start to finish! So I would say, that my day was better than my dream: It was perfect! Thank you Jesus!

Middle Child Syndrome

Some months back when Uncle Eddie mentioned that I needed to pay more attention to Joseph, my middle child, I was taken back. I thought I was doing pretty well as a mother of three. Although outwardly I nodded in seeming agreement, inwardly I was quite sure Joseph was on par with the other two.

“Normally, the sign that the middle child had been neglected was through him misbehaving!” He said. At that point, I realised that Joseph had been tough to handle. He quite often throws tantrums at me and not at his father, which I thought it was a boy thing! When he doesn't get his way, he will become painfully rude to me. “ Are these symptoms?” I wondered. “Lord, please help me to re-connect with Joseph again.” I prayed.

A few weeks later, I found the situation turning from bad to worse. If Uncle Eddie had not warn me about middle child syndrome, I would have put this down to a difficult phase that Joe is undergoing, not unlike the terrible twos, except that this is the annoying eights!

One night, just when I thought that I was going through another mundane bible reading, which Joe would not be paying attention most times, I was in for a treat. The bible reading started with the arrival of Jesus as a newborn baby. God was so excited with baby Jesus that He just couldn't wait to share the news with His people. However, as the birthplace was so remote, how was He going to broadcast the news without drawing unnecessary attention?  He used the stars to lead the wise men to the manger! What ingenuity!

“Joe, could you sense that God was really ecstatic about baby Jesus? In fact, when you were born, both daddy & mummy were overjoyed! Our happiness was shared by your grandparents who came to visit soon after you were born!” I exclaimed, much to my own astonishment, as I know that this could only be divine inspiration! Normally, I would have just read the bible passage with little to add (after a days’ work and looking after prissy, I was close to dozing off myself during bible reading!).

Immediately, Joe’s face lit-up in a manner that I have never seen before! He was surprised that his family was celebrating his birth! “Yes, both daddy & mummy love you very much.” I added. “Really?” he asked. At that instant, I felt that God had ministered to both of us and more importantly; He had bridged the gap between Joe and me.

My Year of many 1st - 2012

As 2012 draws to a close, I realize that this has been an exciting year for my family in Kampar. For a start, I could think of many 1^st that happened over the last 12 months:-

• 1.     Our first time participating in an international school marketing fair;
• 2.     My first time singing our school song, which was composed by our 1^st English teacher;
• 3.     My first school camp, in which I was put in charged of games. I have never been a game master before and if you have known me, games would be the last (ok, maybe not last but penultimate) thing I would do;
• 4.     My first time helping to start a school (more on this later);
• 5.     My first time shopping for the school library;
• 6.     My first time praying with key people at the school;
• 7.     First time showing parents around the school;
• 8.     First time watching our school concert, which was prepared in less than 2 weeks and most of the kids were from non English speaking families;
• 9.     First time joining a cell group in Kampar, where some of the members came from our KL cell group!
• 10. For the first time in my life, I am able to send our children to an international school. If I had been in KL, I would not be able to afford their fees or keep up with the lifestyle expected of them there!  
• 11. I felt that I am making a difference in children lives here by getting involved in the school.
• 12. Having been a boarder myself, I am hesitant about offering boarding at the school. However, God has brought a retired children and youth minister to head the boarding facilities. For the first time, I might just change my mind about boarding!
• 13. First time putting aside my accounting logic and trusting God to do the balance sheet. To date, He has brought more students than I have projected!
• 14. Seeing teachers coming from different countries and various parts of Malaysia. While talking to them, I realised that God was instrumental in calling them to be here! Otherwise, how would you explain that a New Yorker travelled half round the globe to be setting foot in Kampar?! And another from UK came via a contact during our roadshow. Yet another was called to early retirement so that he could be in Kampar. A key personnel moved here because her husband is an Aston Villa fan and there is a place in Kampar known as Aston Settlement – that was the determinant factor for moving?! Such stories go on.

I am sure that I am not alone in experiencing God’s blessing in my life. In fact, if we spend time reflecting, the list will be endless. Even sheer breath itself is a miracle that is worth rejoicing over. Oh Lord, please help me to be grateful at all times, especially during the times when I can’t experience your hands at work because I know that you will never cease to work for our GOOD.

Boundless Joy

The day that Prissy started her 1^st steps, there was such a celebration! I was busy taking out my video camera and digital camera, couldn’t quite decide which one to use first. Evidently, she knew that it was a new milestone for her. Her hands were waving in the air, while she chatted away in her own baby (or toddler’s) language, oblivious to the fact that no one understood her, except that her gestures and babbling conveyed excitement.

My parents were clapping their hands as she took her first walk into their quarters. I wondered if they had cheered for me when I took mine. At that point, I could almost see them reliving their parenthood! Prissy helped me see the side of my parents that had been buried for many years.

Its amazing how the smallest and youngest one in the family could bring forth so many surreal moments. As Prissy stood in front of the TV, a music piece was played. She started swaying her body and fearing that she might fall, Prissy fell on her bump and had a good laugh!

I was ecstatic over the milestone and when I looked around, I discovered that all of us were blown away by her. Dear Lord, is this how it is, that we too could blow you away with our baby steps in faith? If so, I pray that I would always grow in faith so that I could bring boundless joy to you!

Prissy My No 3

If anyone is thinking of having a 3^rd baby after a 6 year’s gap, think no further, go for it! With my first two, I was constantly worried about them getting into accidents, making a mess etc. than being joyous! On retrospect, I wished I was less concerned about their well-being and took more time to savor just being with them.

With Prissy, I found contentment and endless joy! Its almost like someone had turned on a switch! Recently, Ray actually commented that I am a different mother compared to previously. “You are much more patient compared to before and I am amazed that you haven’t screamed at Prissy yet!” He observed.

Initially, Clarissa and Joseph were a little cautious as to whether I would dot on the little sister more.  Prior to giving birth, Clare actually had a heart to heart chat with me and asked me why I wanted a no 3. She went as far as saying that babies were troublesome and mummies’ attention would be diverted.

Now that Prissy had turned one, the bonding between her and the elder two is evident. Clare loves to take care of Prissy and carries her like a mother. Once, we even had a competition in which both of us would call Prissy, and see who she would walk to….and she didn’t pick me! As for Joe, he has his own style of playing with his little sister. Most times, Prissy would end up being the monkey, always running after the brother for the toy and as soon as she grabs it from him, he would snatch it away from her again. As a bystander, the apparent bullying frustrates me, but when I observe Prissy, she is obviously having a blast!

I didn’t realize that there were such tenderness in Joe and Clare until now.  Prissy has opened my eyes to help me see virtues in my older children that I didn’t know existed. Thank you Priscilla for the discovery! Thank you God for your gift! 

Plants vs Animals

I enjoy talking to Clarissa as despite being at a tender age of 10, she has her own views on a quite a wide range of topics. Recently, I overheard a case where an acquaintance’s business was badly affected due to a new player in town. Instead of viewing competition in business as being healthy and opportunity to improve, I could tell that she was bitter and to make things worse, her attitude had affected her entire outlook in life.

I was immensely disturbed, as I couldn’t understand why her parents did not spare her some words of wisdom, or for that matter her close friends too. To be immersed in such seemingly hopelessness is pitiful indeed. I saw this as a great topic to talk about with Clarissa and Joseph.

One day, while fetching them back from the tuition centre, I told them this scenario: “Kids, imagine there is a game shop Ace. It is the only computer game shop in the town for the longest time and needless to say, it is the most popular shop for kids. However, after sometime, another game shop Better, started its business and because its game is more appealing, more kids patronize Better. Eventually, Ace’s business suffers and its owner blames Better.”

“Joe, what do you think if you were in Ace’s owner position?” I asked my 7-year old. After some thoughts, he replied: “ He should blame himself rather than Better’s owner, as his game is not as interesting.” Before Joseph could finish, Clare looked eager to answer. “Well, first, Ace’s owner should find out what makes Better better. For example: Better came up with a bestseller game, which involved animals (yup, Clare would fall for animal game anytime) that was more appealing than Ace’s plants. In addition, Ace should find out what kids liked and come out with new games. Or, the two of them could work together!”

I was pleasantly surprised and exceedingly proud of their wise replies. “Good job! I hope you will always remember what you have said today so that in the event of failure, you will always think positively!” I cheered.

Dear Lord, please help my children to be resilient when they encounter failure as its through failure that they could emerge stronger and wiser. May they always grow in Your wisdom and rely on Your strength in every situation. In Jesus name, Amen

Its My Turn Now

It’s a real joy to see Priscilla growing. She loves to talk and dance to music, very different from her two older siblings. Lately, she learnt to imitate us too.

Every morning, before I leave for work I would wave to her. She must have noticed my black computer on my shoulder: an indication that I am going away for the day.

One evening, I took out my video camera from its little black casing. While trying to video Prissy dancing to music, she decided to crawl towards the small black bag, lift it up and hang it over her tiny shoulder. Her other hand waving to me, as though to say: “Mum, its my turn to say good bye now!”

I was caught off guard. Indeed, I only have limited number of years with Prissy before she leaves us for college, work and eventually her own family. It was a poignant moment that drew out tears from my eyes. I am missing her already!

Thank you God for reminding me that I should treasure my time with my children, as there is only so many of years before they leave me. Help me to be a better parent each day.  

Take a Peek

Its always good to see how we are like through the eyes of our children. However, I would like to add a good dose of humour and perhaps acceptance to go alongside. For me, its an eye opener and a reminder that all these times, our children have been quietly absorbing and digesting all that were said before them.

Today, I had a bad bout of sinus and felt so exhausted that I couldn’t think clearly to pray (!). “Clare, please could you pray for me? I don’t feel up to it tonight.” I mumbled to her. She commenced by starting with the Lord’s prayer and just when I thought that she would be going through the usual preliminaries, she went: “Dear Father, I pray for my mother who freaks out easily over my health, my studies….generally over everything. I pray that she would learn to calm down more.”

I gulped and in my heart, I told God that really, that was an exaggeration. Afterall, Clare was hospitalized just six months ago and so naturally, I would be concerned with her catching another round of cough from school. Compared to other mothers, I have been told that I am actually quite cool about things. So, dear Lord, may I add that I am only a little freaked out at times, and not all the time as implied by Clare. My thoughts were interrupted again.

“And, please help my dad not to spend so much time on his hobbies. He spent about one-third of his time on cars.” Clare continued. I was glad that she had made the same observation as me that Ray does really indulge in his hobby a tad too much.

“I also want to pray for my ma ma (granny). Help her to stop focusing on the past and look into the future.” She prayed. Now, how did that come about? I wondered. Before I could start justifying myself further, I realised that God is using my girl to speak to me. If a child sees her mother panicking over matters that are under God’s control, how does that impact her faith? This is not only a poor reflection of great God is but also a serious indication that mummy needs to develop more reliance on God.

“Dear Lord, I know that I am not setting a good example to my children. Please forgive me. More importantly, help me to develop such faith in you that they could see, how you make a difference in my life and eventually in theirs. In Jesus’s name, Amen.”