Another Wednesday Revelation

For the past few months, I noticed a trend: every Wednesday, I discovered a new revelation. I might as well call it my Wed Rev! This Wednesday was harder to tackle compared to the previous ones. Clarissa was laden with unreasonable amount of school homework, and to make matter worst, she had to attend her weekly music and art class.

Normally, the administrative staff at her music/art class would assist her with her Chinese homework but this week, Sandy had to help teach as well. Therefore, she was unable to help Clarissa. Little did I know that over the past months, Clarissa had grown reliant on Sandy and got used to having Sandy as her "private tutor". When I arrived to pick Clarissa and Joseph up, I was shocked to find Clarissa sulking. She was immensely upset that Sandy did not help her at all with her homework.

"Nobody loves me! Everyone has abandoned me!" she cried uncontrollably in the car. "Why should I listen to you anymore? Why should I attend music class? Why is there no one to help me when I needed help?" she kept complaining and started to switch the root of her disappointment to me. As I sat through her complaints, I became upset. In fact, I could feel myself burning with anger! When we arrived home, I told her harshly that she should get a grip of herself or she would regret what might come on next.

The entire Wednesday evening could be summarized as "both Clarissa and her mummy had eaten explosives" and everyone, including my mum and Curly tried to keep out of our ways. The next morning, I went to the Lord with my inexplicable anger. As I prayed, memories of my childhood came flashing back. Suddenly, I could taste the raw, hurtful feelings that I had felt when I was on my own. I could visualize myself screamming for help in a foreign land (as I was away from home since I turned 10) but to no avail. I was expected to grow up "overnight" and handle emotional issues like an adult. It was at that very point in time that God spoke to me and revealed Himself to me. There was no one who could take away my hurt and the void in my heart, except Jesus. Only He alone knew how I felt as He had experienced abandonment before.

The resentment was deep rooted and stay buried for many years until yesterday. I had to come to terms with my own feelings before I could deal with Clarissa's hurt. The amazing part is: after I have prayed and cried before our Father, I felt released and healed.

Ever since becoming an adult, I know that my parents had made the right decision to send me away to Singapore to study; but what I didn't realize was that I needed to be set free from my emotional burden. Thank you God for using Clarissa to remind me that I have some unreconciled issues to deal with. Most of all, thank you for setting me free from feeling abandoned!

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)