The Flip Side

Sometimes, I feel that as a parent, God has given me many impossible tasks. For example, I find it impossible to stay sane and happy while tutoring Clarissa on her English and Chinese. However, it was also when Clarissa started to apply what she had learnt that made me feel that I should carry on, as her every small achievements made me proud!

Every tiny step forward, every small improvement, whether in her studies, physical achievement or character enhancement, brings such immense joy that I find myself smiling silly as I doze off to sleep at night. However, if I were not involved in all these minute details of her life, I wouldn't be able to be a partaker of such happy occasions. There is thus a flip side to every struggle that I go through as a parent. And it just depends on how I view it, really.

During the last school holiday, my brother brought his brood back to Kampar for a few days. On the day of their arrival, the kids were making so much noise that I found it impossible to catch a nap. Their voices could be heard resonating throughout the house! Finally, I gave up trying to nap and went to the TV room and found my dad alone, watching his favourite show. "Its impossible to rest when there are so many kids in the house!" I exclaimed. "This is what I call a prosperous family! If there were no noise, there would be no life!" he answered with a smile.

I found myself chewing on this profound and yet simple truth. As a born pessimist, I realized that God is slowing using my children to mould and change me to think positively. Never in my wildest dream would I ever think that God would care to look into my pessimism! But, I am excited that He is putting me through this process where I can discover joy in my struggles, delight in my failure! What a total contradiction to my character. Thank you God for choosing the best mean to transform my weaknesses.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book." (Psa 139: 13-16)

A Child’s Fear

Clarissa has a fear that she knows that she has to deal with. Despite her seemingly calm demeanor on stage, she suffers from immense stage fright, one which I could totally identify with. Therefore, despite being the only English speaking person in her class, she will decline firmly whenever the opportunity of English public speaking is presented to her.

Her teachers were at a lost. I am at a lost. Two days ago, she announced to Ray & I that she had again declined the offer presented by her teacher. "My classmates told me that I could do it, but I know that I can't!" she said. "You know, you are the only person who thinks that you can't do it. Even your classmates, teachers and your family think you can!" I tried to explain the root of her fear to her. "In fact, Satan wants you to think that you can't do it. He wants you to think that you can't do anything!" as I recalled the daily devotions that I have been doing with her for the past few days carried the common theme of how Satan implant lies in us to make us feel defeated.

She looked troubled and sad. The bondage of fear was slowly taking root in her life. As I too suffer from inexplicable phobia myself, I know that mere words alone could not convince her; only God's words could deliver her. Today, I had to use Ray's car to fetch the kids from the music class as mine was in the workshop. Driving a different car, gave rise to different songs and different perspective.

Later in the night, Clarissa came to give me a hug. "Mum, I have some good news for you, should I tell you?" She said teasingly. "Of course you must tell me!" I said "Well, on the way back from my music class today, I heard the song that said "God Will Make A Way Where There Seem to be No Way". Then, I lifted my eyes and saw in the sky, untold peace. At that very instant, I could feel that God was telling me that everything is well and I Need Not Fear!" she related her experience happily away. "Most of all, I feel that I am prepared to take up the challenge to stand on stage!" Not only am I immensely proud and relief for her as a parent, I am also greatly humbled and grateful that God has chosen to deal with Clarissa's fear like a loving father.

I feel helpless many a time when confronted with the weaknesses or fear of my children, for I don't have the power to change them; However, I take great comfort in knowing that Our Heavenly Father not only has the ability but the sensitivity to handle a child's worst fear. Thank you God for showing me that I can always turn to you whenever I feel inadequate as a parent.

Gratefulness

Every Wednesday, the night life in Kampar comes alive! The night market here sells a wide range of yummy food, such as the Taiwanese sausages, Ipoh famed salted chicken, Clarissa's favourite chicken fingers, Joseph's must-have-ice-jelly, Daddy's weekly treat of Cameron Highland sweet corns and Mummy's cheap supply of honey sweet mangoes! However, there is one set back – it always rains on Wednesday nights!

This Wednesday was no different. Having left the house with a promising sunshine to fetch the children back from their art & music class in Gopeng (another town 15 min drive away), we were greeted with dark clouds as soon as we entered Kampar. Soon, we could see small and sparse drops of rain on our car windscreen. My normal response would be "Oh well, we don't want to get ourselves wet and our feet muddy right? Let's head home." Today, after a period of absence at the night market, I made an exception. "We are going with our umbrellas!" both Clarissa and Joseph were delighted at my suggestion and were eagerly anticipating their purchases.

Once there, the rain began. Despite having our umbrellas and moving as fast as we could through the crowd, we were wet and our feet were, well, covered with sand. We made our intended stops at the stalls as fast as possible. At one point, a lady (who was my mum's friend) commented "Wow, you were brave (read crazy) to come with your children in this weather!" Our last stop was the mango stall. By then, I was struggling with holding my umbrella, carrying our goodies and keeping Joe inside the sheltered area. I could barely reach for my wallet without dropping any of our bags. "Well, this is it! I have spent all my money and we are soooooo wet!" I exclaimed to Clarissa as we headed back to the car.

Despite being drenched, the children were very happy with what they had bought. When we arrived home, Clarissa came up to me with a RM1 in her hand and asked "Mummy, where is your wallet?" "Upstairs. Why?" I said. "You have used up your money in buying things for us. This RM1 is taken from my piggy bank and I would like to give it to you to show that I am grateful for all that you have done!" she spoke like an adult, no, scratch that, she spoke like a saint! I was profoundly moved by what she said!

If I could have my way, I would relive the drenched moments just to get her to say this to me once more! I wonder when we show our gratefulness to our Heavenly Father, would His response be the same? Afterall, our thanksgivings may seem very insignificant compared to what Jesus had done on the cross for us. At that very instant, I felt that the answer is yes, God would be moved too. That was why He had used this sacred moment to reveal to me how a child's response could bring tremendous blessings to the parent. Thank you God for blessing me with Clarissa and yes, I would want to be grateful for everything that you have done for me because whenever I do so, You would beam with pride and pleasure!

Little Agitation

Its always the small things that get to me. For sometime in my heart, I have been "boasting" to God. "I am just really happy to be able to attend church, join in the worship and absorb the sermon. I am oblivious to church politics and the crisis that has been encircling our church. I don't have much to ask but just to dwell in Your presence!" so, I have been telling our Heavenly Father.

This Sunday was no different. As I was preparing to join in the worship, I saw from the corner of my eye, three foreigner helpers took seat behind me. Before I knew it, they were happily chattering away. As the chorus reached a crescendo, so did their voices. As soon as the song came to a halt, their conversation would end aptly, until the next song began. This continued for some time until I became really agitated. I couldn't hear any tunes except their foreign languages resonating in my ears. Instead of focusing on God, I began to focus on myself and the need to "worship"!

Well, I had a dilemma. "Should I go up to tell them politely to not chi chat during worship or should I continue to mentally block out the noises and focus on singing?". One side of me felt that I should "stand-up" for God and inform the three ladies that talking during worship was a form of disrespect to God; while my other side kept saying to me "What if I am wrong? What if they were not Christians and had come to church along with their employers, and worship was the only time that they could afford such exchanges!"

This went on throughout the singing session and suddenly, a thought, almost instilled by the Holy Spirit came "Don't do anything that you would regret for the next few days!" With that, I decided that my dilemma came to an end but not my frustration.

The very next morning, during my morning quiet time, I was shocked by the verse from Micah 6:8 that appeared:-

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
       And what does the LORD require of you?
       To act justly and to love mercy
       and to walk humbly with your God.

I sighed a relief, knowing that it was God who had enabled me to make the right decision during the worship yesterday. The best part was: I was actually worshipping by choosing to do what is right! When I related the incident to my other half, he replied wisely "Next time, you just have to inform me and I will exchange seats with you; or move to other seats!" However, I wasn't sorry for what I have learnt during the worship time.

Nightly Routine

A few months back, I had the privilege of staying with my brother and his family for a night. He has four kids, aged between 4 and 12. One thing that his house didn't lack was noise! But come nighttime, I saw Fen Yee reading the bible with his children, the youngest on his lap. There was an untold peace in the place. I was inspired.

For years, I had intended to read the bible with my own children but other priorities crept in such as reading with them their favourite story books or books that could cultivate their interests in reading, and even playing Monopoly with them before bedtime (as mummy did not have time throughout the day until night time)! And if fatigue took over, I would permit them to watch their favourite programme; while in my heart, I would be telling God "I had a long day. I will try again tomorrow." But sadly, when tomorrow came, I would again be carried away with what I thought to be an more important exercise before bed time – reading books other than the Bible!

I mean, let's face it, even adults struggle with reading the Word! Kids would have found the messages dull and moreover, all the interesting stories would have been told in Sunday school, no? The night that I spent with Fen Yee and his family was the turning point for me as I could see that my nephews and niece were among the most obedient kids that I have encountered! Now, I know the secret within their family!

Since then, I tried harder to do daily devotions with my children. There were times that I failed but on the times that I succeeded, I could truly witness the transformations that were slowly taking place in my children. They were more obedient and willing to listen to reasoning. More importantly, I realized that they have started to care for others, to feel empathy for the less privileged. Once, Clarissa actually told me that there was this boy in her class that did not receive any birthday present from his parents as they were working overseas and he had hardly seen them; the next thing I knew, she was trying to get me to bring her to the nearest toy shop to buy a present for him!

The Bible is our spiritual food. Our kids need to hear the Word so that they can grow spiritually and cultivate a strong moral standard. More importantly, they need to know about their Heavenly Father and develop a relationship with Him. Let us not starve our kids but feed them with the Word, even if this means that the Bible would be the only book that they get to read for the day.

But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. (Psalm 1:2-3)

You Did the Right Thing

I was in the park with the children, chasing Curly, our poodle. It was one of those scorching hot days. The kids were feeling energetic, but I was lethargic. However, I didn't want to disappoint them and agree to bring them to the park. My dad came much later, just when we were about to leave. He went for his usual brisk walk around the park.

While tugging Curly with one hand and pushing Clare and Joseph alternatively on the swing with the other, I could feel big drops of rain on my shoulder. Very soon, the rain came slapping down. I quickly grabbed Curly with one hand and called out to Clare and Joseph to run to the car. At the back of my mind, I was thinking about my dad. I saw him wearing his well-used cap. "He must be running to the nearest shelter." I told myself.

As soon as we got into the car, I told Clare to lock the door while I went off to look for "gong gong" with an umbrella. To my delight, he was running at an amazing speed towards me! As I shared the umbrella with him, I couldn't help but smile that my dad could still run like a sportman.

Once back in my car, Clare quickly pointed out "Mom, you did the right thing!" "Huh?" as I put away the umbrella. "You did the right thing by going back to fetch gong gong!" she praised me! Although I maintained my calm, smiling demeanor, my heart was screaming "What? All these times you have been watching what I do?" Kids, they are watching us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week regardless of whether we are aware of it. The amazing part is: children do know what is right from wrong. Therefore, it is important that I set a good example.

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children ²and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (Ephesians 5:1-3)

Do It to Prove It

Despite her otherwise demure disposition, Clarissa has a tendency to "over-react" on issues which to me are not very significant. One such example came up during our recent trip to Meixian. From past observations, I know that she has a tendency to procrastinate in going to the washroom until it becomes immediately imperative. As I didn't want to see a frantic mother running around a foreign land asking for the nearest toilets, I asked her to go the washroom before we leave our hotel for sightseeing.

"No, I don't want!" she replied firmly. While Joseph followed his cousins into the washrooms, I gave a short lecture. "You know, it is no big deal to just go to the washroom. In fact, when you are travelling, you should try going to the washroom whenever there is an opportunity." I began my explanation. "Why?" she asked. "Well, when you travel in a group, you need to be adaptable. This means that you eat whatever that is being served to you including food that you don't like. Similarly, if you don't go to the washroom now but decide to go later, you would end up making the rest of the people here wait for you."

"So, you are saying that I must to it to prove it?" she replied with a twinkle in her eyes. "What do you mean?" I was confused by her reply. "To prove that I am adaptable, I must do what you say." She replied. "Why, yes! You are right!" As I saw her running to the washroom, I was chewing on these simple words. To prove that she is an obedient child, she must do what I say to prove it. Similarly, we could say that we are Christians and attend church every Sunday; but ultimately, we must obey God to prove that we are Christians! While trying to teach her a lesson, I was taught by her in return!

Calling Abrahams

As I peered into the window, hoping to catch a view of what lied inside, I was moved not by the spider-web covered furniture, but more so by God's calling for this family to move to their "Promised Land". This room was my dad's study room when he was a child. He was born and bred in Meixian, China, a small town about 500km away from Guangzhou. The primary economic activity here used to be farming and planting crops. All was well until communism set in more than fifty years ago. Suddenly, landowners became overnight prisoners and criminals. The comfortable life they had was plunged into desperation and poverty.

During this period, God was watching and calling. He called my grandfather to leave China with my dad. Despite knowing that they may not come back alive, they took the risk and took a boat, heading south, to Malaysia, a foreign land with unkown tongue. Their promised land appeared to be Kampar, a land surrounded by hills and waters, very similar to the Hew village. Against all odds, they decided to build their homes here, away from their loved ones and comfort zone. They had worked hard to adapt to this country and establish their careers here.

It was then that I realized that God had a great plan for my family. If my grandfather and my dad had stayed on in China, we would not have the opportunity to know God; in fact, if it were not for our forefathers, all of us, Chinese Christians would have lost out on the most valuable inheritance ever, becoming children of God. Although my grandfather and my dad had no idea of the great plans that God had in stored, they were instrumental in being part of His plan. I marveled at how awesome God is! Truly, He knew us even before we were born! Praise the Lord!

Let us join our hearts in praying for China, that as much as we were the given the opportunity to know Him, may the people of China come to experience His salvation and His love.

"Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139: 16)

Good Guy vs Bad Guy – No in between!

Over the Chinese New Year holidays, I had the privilege of eavesdropping on the conversation that took place between my 5 year old and his cousin, Caleb who is 1 year younger. "Last night, I dreamt of the Tou Foo Cat. It was climbing…" shared Caleb. "Is that a good guy or a bad guy?" interrupted Joseph. "Tou Foo Cat is a good guy!" came the prompt response. I was amused by the urgency to discern between a good guy and a bad guy right at the beginning of every conversation that involved "made-up" superheros.

Both Joseph and Caleb are at a stage where getting the right guy at the start is more important than anything else that transpired in their little conversation. In fact, in their storyline, their good guy will go round saving people, possess the most power ever imagineable and is fully capable of overcoming the bad guy. The bad guy of course deserve every ounce of what he gets i.e. got kicked around and eventually died!

If I were to interrupt their conversation with cheeky suggestions such as the good guy could end up dying while the bad guy lived; or that there was the grey guy, who was neither good nor bad, I would immediately be banished from Joe's sight and labeled as "Naugthy Mummy!" Somehow, I am inspired by Joe's determination to glorify the good guy and condemn the bad one. In fact, I think its us adults that came up with grey areas in our lives, thus leading to confusion and eventual compromise.

Child-like belief and purity. This is what our Heavenly Father desires from us.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. (Matthew 5:8)

Homework Challenge or Character Building?

When I first became a parent, struggling with night feeds and napping times, I was told by someone who had a toddler that “So, having sleepless nights eh? Wait till she learns to walk and talk back at you!” Seasons came and seasons went. When mine became a toddler, I was overwhelmed with her food picking habits and reluctance to communicate. “Well, you think you are having a tough time? Wait till they go to school and you have to go through their school work!”


At the blink of an eye, I am now going through Clarissa’s school work and complaining of the amount of time that I have to spend with her. I have not sighed so much in my life until now! “If you think going through school work is tedious, wait till Clarissa becomes a teenager!” my sister-in-law shared her insight. Wait, before I get there, I have to grapple with the daily tormenting task of monitoring and tutoring.


Almost every day after work, I would put away my bags and get started with checking Clarissa’s schoolwork. I dread the time spent as I find it a real struggle to be patient with her. Sometimes, I have to deal with a tired girl; some days, a foul-mood child; other days, a distracted child. Finding a day that Clarissa would be happily settled down and seated next to me is close to striking a lottery (not that I buy one of course).


However, over time, I realized that the problem lies with me as much as it does with her. Before I demand that she change her attitude, I need to examine mine. An honest dissection soon reveals that I am overly impatient and demanding. My irritated voice and constant sighing probably propel her to feeling unmotivated more than anything else. I can’t change the way I am, not with my own strength. This is when I am reminded again that God is the one who could change me and grant me patience when it is needed most.


Slowly, I realize that on the days when I rely on God for strength and patience, my sessions with Clarissa turn out to be fun and fruitful; the days that I allow my own irritations to get the better of me, both Clarissa and I end up feeling sore about each other. Perhaps God is using Clarissa to change me, so that I could grow to be more Christ-like.


I can do everything through Him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13)

A New Home

Since moving back to Kampar, all four of us have been sharing a room by default. Therefore, our bedroom is also the kids' playroom, tv room, entertainment room and occasionally dining room! However, in a few months' time, both Ray and I are looking forward to moving to a new house, where there will be more rooms and space to be shared among us.

To prepare the children for the big move, I have been telling them the advantages of sleeping in their respective rooms such as having enough shelves to put their toys and they would no longer have to fight over “who gets to put their toy on mummy's dressing table!”. Joseph was especially concerned about moving. “What about my toys? If I didn't bring all my toys over, kakak would end up selling them to the recycling man!” he exclaimed. Then, he turned and fixed his eyes on the Chinese New Year lights hanging at our car porch. “What about those lights?! I liked them very much and the new house would not have such lovely lights as these.” To conclude, he loves his “old” house more than his “new” house and suggests that we should continue to stay here!

I was both amused and surprised by his response. For a five year old, Joseph has given much thoughts about physically moving to a new house! “If only he knew how wonderful the new house would be” I thought aloud. “If only he knew that whatever he had in this present room was nothing compared to his new room!” Yet, he had grown to love his bed on the floor, adore his toys placed in plastic bags and draw on uneven carpeted floor!

We are no different from our kids. As we grow older, we learn to love the way of life on earth but forget that God has prepared a place for us in heaven. We fear death more than anything, as this means that we would have left all that we had behind, including our loved ones, our achievements and our possessions. But as Christians, we are immensely blessed as Jesus Himself had promised, that He was going away to prepare a room for us, thus offering hope and a new lease of life. Death is not the end but a new beginning with God and with all those who love them.     

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me so that you also may be where I am.” (John 14:1-3)