What Is It Gonna Take?

Over the weekend, I was reading about the great King of Babylon, Nebuchadnezzar (“Ned”). He was an egoistic king, one that was full of himself.

“I, Nebuchanezzar, was at home in my palace, contented and prosperous. I had a dream that made me afraid. As I was lying in my bed, the images and visions passed through my mind terrified me.”

As it turned out, God was trying to tell the King a message, that there is a greater King, one that is ruler of all mankind and of the Universe. King Ned was unusually prosperous; in fact, he was once hailed as a hero in Iraq and the Middle Eastern history, therefore, it was understandable that his head was pretty much stuck in the clouds. Yet, the Great King wanted to reach out to King Ned, giving him a message that could turn his life around. After 12 months of non-repentance, King Ned was stricken with a mental disease, turning him into an animal, feeding on grass, with hair growing like the feathers of an eagle and nails like the claws of birds.

He was driven out of his people until seven years later, God restored his mental health and Ned was reinstated to his former glory. At that point, King Ned finally acknowledged the King of Heaven: “Then I praised the most High; I honored and glorified Him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal dominion; His kingdom endures from generation to generation.”

What I marvel was the conjunction word “until”. God needed to teach King Ned a lesson and the word “until” promises forgiveness, deliverance and restoration! This is amazing indeed! As much as God took time to reach out to King Ned, now many generations later, in a different culture and context, God reaches out to us, to me. No one will escape His attention, no matter how small we feel, He is reaching out to us now. Believe me when I say that after 20 years of being a Christian, I still do not fully comprehend His love, that even my puniest problem does not escape His attention. Although I am no King Ned (who by the way, was responsible for the Hanging Gardens, one of the 7 ancient wonders), I am still His child, His sheep, whom He longs to care for, and bring back to the fold. When I walk astray, He will use people, scriptures, nature to bring me back. It took me a while to realize that God is working in my life; King Ned took seven years, how long would it take for yours?

“pray that you may be able to feel and understand, how long, how wide, how deep and how high His love really is”

Skeptics put to shame

Last night, I was awakened by Joseph’s cough; He had a persistent, loud cough that I just couldn’t ignore. With my eyes barely opened, I took out his spray and administered to him. “He must be allergic to something….” That was the last thought on my mind before I fell straight back to sleep. Wait, rewind that! I fell back to sleep straight away!? I didn’t need to blow my nose?! Where was the stack of used tissues next to my bedside table? The worst part would be: I would be kept awake for more than 1 hour with blocked nose before I finally succumbed to the Pill!

Now that I am fully awake, I realized that I have not had any sinus attacks at night for almost 1 month! Ray is doubly surprised! Both of us are such skeptics that even after God has healed me, we didn’t realize God meant me to be completely healed! Dear Heavenly Father, please forgive me for my ignorance and disbelief! I mean a lifetime of sinus and He has healed me! Who could have imagined? I felt like laughing a Sarah’s chuckle when she gave birth to Isaac at her old age and despite being labeled “inconceivable”.

This is great news, Praise the Lord for He is Good! As I read Liz’s blog, detailing that she has experienced God’s miraculous healing, I have no doubt that she is on the road to recovery! She is feeling stronger, her bone aches are gone and her coughs have ceased! God is indeed our Great Healer!

Skeptics, its time to believe rather than question! J

Fishing Trips

Since moving back to Kampar, the kids & I have taken on a new hobby – fishing! On our very first trip, we went to a nearby lake to try our luck. As soon as we got out of the car, we overheard a seasoned angler saying the fishes weren’t interested in food that day. He was there for the entire afternoon and he had only managed to catch 2 puny fishes. Though deterred but unwilling to disappoint the kids, we decided to throw in our share of baits. Within 2 minutes, Clarissa said that she had caught something! Being a typical skeptic, I said “It’s the wind that is pulling your nylon string!” “No mummy, help me!” she shouted! And to my greatest amazement, she had in fact managed to catch a fish twice the size of my palms! We put up a struggle and finally managed to retrieve our prize! There were many envious onlookers nearby, stood amazed at a little girl who managed to break their record of the day within minutes!

On another occasion, we went with a team of seasoned anglers at a farm in Bidor. This time, we were aiming to catch Red Tilapia, Black Tilapia and Ikan Harun. These anglers came prepared, with professional fishing rods and baits (being cricket and small toads!). There were a total of 6 kids and 8 adults. Guessed who caught more fish? It’s the kids! Clarissa and her cousins were so immune to fish biting their baits (comprise solely of worms), that they had lost count of how many fishes they had caught that day; As her proud mummy, I know that they had caught more than twenty! The “prepared & experienced” adults were put to shame as they were still struggling with their first catch! In fact, one of them, Chang, told the rest “Please don’t tell my colleagues that I have lost out to a bunch of kids!”

That day, I felt that God had taught me an important lesson: It didn’t matter if we were Fortune 500 CEOs or pastors, rich or poor, old or young, monks or missionaries: We stand the same in His eyes – We are His beloved children. Regardless of our status, wealth, deeds, achievements, knowledge, background, race, religions, strengths or weaknesses, He loved us still the same. In fact, He would pursue us when we walk astray and bring us back to Him. As we were fishing that day, I know that all of us were standing on equal ground: The fish didn’t know how to choose a more experienced angler; Its only decision was whether to take the bait before its eyes.

Jesus said in the scriptures: “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep”. God didn’t evaluate who we were, or who we are or we are to be, He choose to Love Us.

Therefore, it’s a great comfort to know that we can come to God as we are, not as we wish to be, and definitely not as we have worked ourselves to be.

A Missed Funeral

Lately, I realized I should have attended a funeral:- someone I knew dearly passed away a few years ago. Well, I didn’t know she was dying….she had all the symptoms of being “alive”. She was leading a normal life (or so I thought), has 2 great kids and 1 loving husband! She helped in church when time permitted and offered to pray for friends who were sick. However, she hardly talked about what was actually troubling her.

For more than seven years, she had been praying for God’s deliverance for a difficult situation that she was placed in but somehow, God had missed out on her prayer, or so she thought. Slowly, she began to lose her joy as she cannot experience God at work in her own life. Yes, she could see God at work in her friends’ lives but not in hers. She felt that her prayers became a habit; daily reading of the scriptures was no longer something she looked forward to…but she continued to do all the “right” stuff as she believed that she should still continue doing what Christians should be doing. She began to lose interest in her children and slowly, dark clouds were gathering. She wasn’t aware of what was happening to her: she continued to live, merely breathing but completely hopeless and to a certain extent, faithless. The trial that she was facing was slowing eating her up. The devil heaped lies after lies to her, the most severe being: “God has no time for you; He isn’t interested in your life but only wanted to test you.” She found herself telling others: “I have come to a point that it didn’t matter to me if I were to die today, I am tired of my life!” Then something amazing happens! God actually did hear her prayer and deliver her out of the situation two years ago; but you know what? She was so accustomed to being dead that she didn’t know what it was to be alive again!

Sounds familiar anyone? Well, this person was me! My spiritual life hit rock bottom years ago and I became indifferent. The worst part was: I wasn’t aware of it! The healing that took place in Clarissa’s and my life was like a wake up call for me! Suddenly, I realized that God is alive and well! If anyone thought that God’s healing had anything to do with me (my faith, or my deeds), then he/she is completely wrong! I was a total wreck!

“I have loved you with everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt” said the Lord to his people.

Mr Liew, a dear friend reminded me recently: Jesus isn’t indifferent to death; He wept at His friend Lazarus’s death. In fact, God is never indifferent to our lives and our death. God sent Jesus to us, so that we may have life and have it abundantly! It breaks His heart when we allow ourselves to be defeated, to be deceived and living in a lie. I thank God for His mercies and His ever lasting love; He could have focused his attention on more “worthy causes” but all of us, no matter all unworthy we feel, are valued in His eyes, so much so that He is willing to die for us. I have missed my “funeral” like Jesus had missed Lazarus’s funeral. If you are going through something today and felt that no one can help, then be assured that God is on your side; In fact, He has never left you but is waiting for you to turn to Him.

Hypocrite or what?

There is one thing that I hate most that is being a hypocrite! I believe in being truthful and genuine to others, to myself and to God! Since college days, I stayed miles away from someone who was labeled as hypocrite; at work, I have always been drawn to people who are genuine; if anyone starts showing two-faced, sorry, I am going to turn my back and run.

Do you believe that the thing you hate most tends to reflect something in you that you are hiding from other people? Well, I certainly do! If I look deeper, I am actually one myself too. For those of you who know me or who have read my blog, you know that I have an underlying health problem: sinus. My parents said that I was born with it; My dad had it all his life; and his gene is now in mine. I have seen countless doctors. The last one that I consulted, who happened to be a Christian, suffered from sinus himself. “So, taking antihistamines is the only solution?” I asked. “Yup, I have been taking it all my life! If I skipped a day, my nose turns all stuffy again!” He replied matter-of-factly. “Ok, that settles it…I am born with it and now I have to live with it!” I said to myself. I have never prayed for healing!

Therefore, when I offer to pray for my friends who are sick, I felt something in me nudging “You know, you are slowing becoming a hypocrite yourself…outwardly telling people that you believe God can heal; inwardly, praying “ thy will be done!””

This condition continues until the day I received a sms from Liz, informing me of her condition, stage 4 lung cancer. I was immensely troubled as I could really relate myself to her; we are around the same age, attend the same church, have common friends and 2 wonderful children. “I can’t pray for her! My heart only knows “thy will be done” and nothing else…This is how I have been praying for all these years” I cried out to God. “ But this time, I don’t want to just pray “thy will be done”, I would like to ask for the impossible Lord but I don’t have the faith to do so” I confessed.

After dwelling in this dilemma and wondering if God would want to heal me, I woke up one day and decided that I should pray for healing! I mean, here I am facing my mole hill and complaining that I can’t climb it; there is Liz facing her Himalayas, and taking it on with great faith! God has put my faith to test and so far, I have failed; I am throwing in the towels without even realising it!

At first, I didn’t realize what was happening. I told myself its time to quit teh tarik, look after my diet, exercise more, consume more greens and take double doses of olivenol. Throughout this period, I prayed to God for healing. Doubts surfaced of course, like they always would! Instead of telling myself “ Ok, I just take the pill today, maybe God didn’t intend my healing to take place today; I will try again another time. Afterall, I could wait a bit longer for healing to take place...there's no urgency” I filled my mind with God’s promises and of late, “ the centurion” passage (see my blog on Recurring Dilemma). Here is what I notice: When my mind is turned to my circumstances, my lifetime trail of migrane and sinuses, I felt a sneeze oncoming! But when my mind is focused on the scriptures & God, my doubts just evaporated, even my sneeze would come to a halt!

One day went pass, and I survived without any medication. Before I knew it, 2 weeks went passed! Then, I realized that God must have healed me! Now, I fully believe that God can heal; He is our healer. My daugther, Clarissa puts it aptly:" Mummy, do you know what cures all diseases, big and small? Its Prayer!" and may I add now "its Prayer with Faith in God!"

Having experienced healing myself, I find that my prayer for Liz has changed. Its no longer "thy will be done" or "in accordance to thy will". Rather, I find myself claiming healing scriptures for Liz and believing in it fully. So, this is the amazing lesson I learnt:-

" I don't have faith to pray for the impossible--> ask God to grant me such faith--->I pray with faith-->God answers my prayer! "

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down on the right hand throne of God" Hebrews 12:2

Recurring Dilemma

I have been avoiding this topic for a long time, like for twenty over years; not only do I try not to speak about it in church, or with friends, I do not speak about it to God! Why? Because, I don’t know what the answer is and fear what the answer maybe! (A-ha! Another fear to my pile!)

I am really moved when Liz wrote about “it” in her blog as this is an issue that has been recurring, like a cock floating on the still lake, in and out of the water. I feel that its time to bring it to God.

Just the other day when I was still being quarantined, I talked to Ray about God’s healing. Ray said “I believe that when we are sick, we should take the necessary medication and of course, pray!” “So, would you anticipate healing?” I probed further. “Hmmm, its my responsibility to pray and take medication!” Finally, he blurted out “The issue is we can pray as hard as we like, but would God choose to heal?!” BINGO! This is the issue that I am struggling with for a long time. The “why” and “why not”! Having been brought up as a conservative Christian, I have been accustomed to taking medications first, and if this doesn’t work, turn to God in prayer. In doing so, at least I have tried everything I could?

There is a passage that I have been dwelling in for the past month. When Jesus was performing healing on the people, there was this one particular incident recorded in Matthew 8:-

When Jesus entered Capernaum, a centurion (a non-Israelite) came to him, asking for help. “Lord, my servant lies at home paralysed and in terrible suffering” Jesus said to him “I will go and heal him.” The centurion replied, “I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go’, and he goes; and that one ‘Come’ and he comes. And I say to the servant ‘Do this’ and he does it. When Jesus heard this, he was astonished and said to those following him, “I tell you the truth, I have not found any one in Israel with such great faith” Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! It will be done just as you believed it would.” And his servant was healed that very hour.

This passage carries great significance! Up to that point in time, Jesus has been meeting the sick face to face before pronouncing that they are healed. That was why, He suggested going to the centurion’s house. But, having read the above, you & I know that Jesus need not be present physically to heal the invalid! In fact, His presence was merely to assure the sick that He is there to heal! The centurion’s faith is amazing! Being a non-Israelite, he probably didn’t meet Jesus face to face before this incident. His information about Jesus was probably 2^nd hand if not 3^rd! Without proper “theological training” or first hand experience, he is able to discern that Jesus has authority over sicknesses and more, He is God! No wonder it didn’t matter to him that Jesus is not with the servant! Instead, he asked Jesus to just SAY THE WORD! The centurion knows that God is omnipotent & omnipresent without even attending church! God healed his servant because He saw through his faith! In my heart, I could feel myself saying, “God knew this man, even before he came to ask for healing! This man’s faith was built solely on simple information passed onto him from others!”

Therefore, God knows what is in our heart when we pray for healing, whether we have total faith in Him or we are in doubt. If we fall into the latter category, then we are in trouble! James made it clear in the scriptures: “But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt…and to him who doubts, he should not think that he will receive anything from the Lord” Although James was talking about asking God for wisdom but on the latter part of the sentences, he warned about doubt leading to not receiving anything (not just wisdom)!

Well, I felt that my recurring dilemma has been settled then! I must pray with all my heart believing that God will answer with my best interest in mind. I must not doubt His ability to heal! He is the same God yesterday, today and tomorrow. I must always remember to turn to God first with my sickness rather than as a last resort!

Therefore, if someone tells you…"I hope for the best but prepare for the worst!" You know that this person is in dilemma! Its time to turn to the centurion!

“Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6

Doubtlessly Doubtful

Having experienced God’s healing, you could imagine how high I was! I can’t keep myself from smiling; I wanted to tell everyone about God’s miracle! My dear friend and prayer warrior, Liz’s description of doing an Indian dance round the fire, describes it perfectly! I told my parents, brothers, relatives etc how great God was!....until, Ray came back from work the same day and asked: “ So, who is going to stay in the room with Clarissa for 7 days? She has to be quarantined for that long right?” “Of course it would be me” I replied happily at first and suddenly, the overcast came!

My mind started to “function” again, in the humanly way. In both the Hew and Wong families, I have been labeled the one with the weakest immune system! I suffered from sinus for more than half my life; and since my kids were born, as long as they are ill, I am ill; The cycle goes like this:-

1. Joseph falls ill with fever and soar throat--à I will fall sick too with the same virus;
2. Once Joseph recovers, Clarissa would catch something from school--à My body welcomes the next virus or bacteria, and therefore, continues to be sick;
3. After Clarissa recovers --à My body tells me its time to take a break from my kids illness but instead, focus on my own sinus problems!

Therefore, it would be quite safe to say that I will be sick at least once a month and down with flu like symptoms or sinus for the rest of the month!

So, logically speaking, I will be sick right? Well, as Liz aptly pointed out, its time to rebuke negative thoughts! Again, I have to stand firm and start thinking about positive thoughts and “digging out” mentally some relevant scriptures. This is the one God had prepared for me through the ladies fellowship, just before Clarissa fell sick:-

After Moses had led the Israelites out of Egypt and their enslaved lives, they arrived at the gate of the Promised Land, one overflowing with milk and honey. God had performed countless miracles throughout their journey and I would have thought they were so used to doing their little Indian dance equivalent that they would have danced right into the land? WRONG! Twelve spies were sent out to survey the land, of which ten of them decided that it was too dangerous as the enemies were stronger and taller (by the way, God did not say that they had to fight the war, but merely just to survey). In Deut 1:27-28, the Israelites responded:-

“The LORD hates us; so he brought us out of Egypt to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us. Where can we go? Our brothers have made us lose heart. They say: The people are stronger and taller than we are; the cities are large, with walls up to the sky. We even saw the Anakites there.” (Anakites were believed to be great warriors at that time)

After all that the Lord had done for them, God’s people did not trust Him! I would be very hurt if I were God! But, wait a minute, aren’t I becoming like one of them? I was beginning to fear that I will contract the virus and worst, spread to my elderly parents! Where would God’s glory be then?! Immediately, I told Ray to pray for me; I refuse to believe that God who had delivered Clarissa, would allow me to get sick!

Now, after 7 days of quarantine, I praise God for keeping me healthy! In fact, this is the FIRST time that when my child fell sick and I didn’t!

James 1:5-7 “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. BUT when he asks, he MUST believe and NOT doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.”

Praise the Lord, for He is Good ALL the TIME! Let us continue in our little Indian dance!

If there is one thing I excel at...

If there is one thing I excel at, I mean at ALL times it would be Fear! I have truck loads of them! When I was younger, I had fear of growing up, being alone, family breaking up and passing exams. The latter was so bad that by Primary 5, I had developed insomnia! At college, the fear list just got longer… fear of rejection, fear that I will not turn out well in life, fear that I will disappoint my family etc. The one that tops it off was fear that I won’t be able to make it through A-levels as I was really having a hard time in terms of facing rejections from my peers! It was so bad that I began to lose weight (they call it anorexic) and develop depression!

By the time I got to working and finally getting married, I managed to rid off some of the fear such as passing exams, fear of not getting married etc not because I had the strength to overcome them but merely due to change in my “status!” But once I became a mummy, gosh, the fear list formula multiplied exponentially! Imagine my response when I get a call from the school teacher telling me that Clarissa is not well. My response will never be “Oh, she may just be down with a mild flu” but rather “She must have contracted a serious flu and may collapse anytime, I better get there fast, even if it means a little bit of speeding or beating the traffic light!” The weird thing about this fear is, I don’t seem to learn from previous experience as I will always “overreact” (as labeled by Raymond, my less fearful other half) when such calls hit my mobile.

Having all such fears to deal with is actually very tiresome and if unchecked, will develop into depression. This is why, when I open the scriptures, I am always comforted that there are lots of people like me who are having problems with their fear, including man!

• Moses feared that he cannot speak well before the Israelites and therefore didn’t want to take up leadership position. He eventually became one of the greatest leaders of Israel;

• David feared Saul to the extent that he even pretended to be a mad man in the enemies’ camp so that he did not have to stay in Israel and be killed?! He eventually became the greatest king of Israel and won the most number of wars!

• Abraham feared for his life and therefore, resorted to telling lies to others, specifically the king, that Sarah was not his wife but his sister (and yes, please help yourself to her!) He eventually became the father of all nations;

• Fast forward to the eighteen centuries, the Prince of Preachers, Charles Spurgeon. Although he was undisputedly one of the (if not THE) best preachers of his time, he had stage fright!

I just sit and marvel at all these famous people that God used during their times and truly if I had been there at that point in time, I would be immensely amazed at their strengths! But in reality, their strengths are actually their weaknesses! For it is stated in the scriptures that God’s strength is made perfect in our weaknesses! God was the one who transformed these people so that they could be the greatest people of their days! This brings tremendous hope to a fearful person like me. For in the midst of all my fears, God promise to deliver me, to redeem me, to set me free and most of all, to use my fears so that one day, they will be my strengths! And, this is the best part – He will never fail us!

The scripture says: “This is what the Lord says, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you O Israel: Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”

Therefore, if you have fear, take heart, God will be using your fear to transform it into your strengths!

Big Miracle for a Little Girl

I didn't expect to be in the pedic clinic. Clarissa, my seven year old who is hardly sick, was having a high fever of 38.5 + throughout the night. While waiting for our turn, I sms my to KL friends to pray for C. Finally, our turn came. The doc was shocked to find that her temperature had hit 40! Immediately, the doc was ramaging her drawer in search of a mask (by the way, no one was wearing mask except us) and finally dug out an old worn out one. The nurse took a step back while the doc continued to examine C and mumbled under her breadth. Although I find this scene of lack of preparation amusing, I was quickly distracted by what the doctor had to say next. "Clarissa has high fever; She look very lethargic and obviously obsese (!)-she is under the high risk category of being infected with h1n1! Has she been eating or drinking?" "Er..no, she hardly ate and drank!" My waiting time lasted for 1.5hrs but my consultation time took less than 10 mins. With a list of the obvious signs issued by MOH, Clarissa was prescribed with Tamiflu and if her situation didn't improve by tomorrow, she would need admission.

I was going to ask what I needed to bring for admission tomorrow cos, honestly, if anyone could have seen Clarissa, she would not be better tomorrow. She could hardly walk! My mum actually thought that we would be admitted today and was standing by at home to pack for us. Casting worries aside, I need to get myself align with God again. All these "realities" actually distracted me from seeking help from the Only One that can truly help!

While my thumbs were busy smsing, my heart was heavy with prayer. Clarissa was pretty shaken with the prospect of needles and pins in the hospital; so I told her to pray ferverntly and dirnk plenty.

After collecting about 5 types of medication and feeding her the "stronger" neurofen & tamiful, we drove home. I was quite puzzled as to why the doc gave me so many types when she told me it was only fever and cold she had.

Once home, I had to quarantine Clarissa in a separate room and took check of her temperature. Throughtout this period, my prayer warriors from KL sms me while I was on my knees to pray. After about 5 hrs, Clarissa's temperature was still houvering round 38++. "So much for this strong neurofen" I thought to myself.

Then at 4.00pm, something happened. Clarissa's temperature started to drop gently from 38++ to 38. By 6.00pm, she was 37++! I was caught off surpised completely. I mean, I did pray but my heart felt that maybe God wanted me to climb this mountain. With 2 kids, I am quite accustomed to climbing mountains, taking the LONG way to recovery. This is what medicine and doctors are for! And, in my mind, I am more used to bible verses like "take joy in your trials", "God's strength is sufficient for me" rather than versers like "if you have faith like the mustard seed, you could tell the mountain to MOVE IT".

Clarissa started to be able to smile and told me that she has been praying too cos she really didn't like to stay in hospital. But, neither of us expect her to be fully heal by 6pm! Her fever didn't come back that day and her cold seem to have subsided too.

Next day, we had to go to the clinic again. This time, the nurse had a N95 mask. She asked if Clarissa had fever and when I said no, her reply was "but she was at 40 yesterday!" "I know, its amazing!" came my reply. When it was our turn, the doc too was well prepared for us, wearing a brand new N95 mask. When the doc checked that Clarissa's temperature had come down to 37, she was very surprised. More surprises came when she said that Clarissa's chest had cleared of phlegm (which in her haste, forgot to inform me ....oh, that's why i was given the phlegm medication) and cold subsided too.

I told her that it must be God who had healed Clarissa and she just gave a smile. But, when I came out of the clinic, I knew that God was challenging my faith at that point! There are times that we need to climb that mountain but there are times, we need the faith to tell the mountain to move aside. and I need to seek God and abide in Him to be able to tell the difference!

On the way home, Clarissa asked "Mummy, do you know what is the best medicine in the world, the one that heals all illnesses, big & small?" "What is it?" "Its Prayer!". Amen.

Expect the Unexpected! May I always be reminded that God is our heavenly Father, He loves us and loves to surprise us with His gifts!