If there is one thing I excel at...

If there is one thing I excel at, I mean at ALL times it would be Fear! I have truck loads of them! When I was younger, I had fear of growing up, being alone, family breaking up and passing exams. The latter was so bad that by Primary 5, I had developed insomnia! At college, the fear list just got longer… fear of rejection, fear that I will not turn out well in life, fear that I will disappoint my family etc. The one that tops it off was fear that I won’t be able to make it through A-levels as I was really having a hard time in terms of facing rejections from my peers! It was so bad that I began to lose weight (they call it anorexic) and develop depression!

By the time I got to working and finally getting married, I managed to rid off some of the fear such as passing exams, fear of not getting married etc not because I had the strength to overcome them but merely due to change in my “status!” But once I became a mummy, gosh, the fear list formula multiplied exponentially! Imagine my response when I get a call from the school teacher telling me that Clarissa is not well. My response will never be “Oh, she may just be down with a mild flu” but rather “She must have contracted a serious flu and may collapse anytime, I better get there fast, even if it means a little bit of speeding or beating the traffic light!” The weird thing about this fear is, I don’t seem to learn from previous experience as I will always “overreact” (as labeled by Raymond, my less fearful other half) when such calls hit my mobile.

Having all such fears to deal with is actually very tiresome and if unchecked, will develop into depression. This is why, when I open the scriptures, I am always comforted that there are lots of people like me who are having problems with their fear, including man!

• Moses feared that he cannot speak well before the Israelites and therefore didn’t want to take up leadership position. He eventually became one of the greatest leaders of Israel;

• David feared Saul to the extent that he even pretended to be a mad man in the enemies’ camp so that he did not have to stay in Israel and be killed?! He eventually became the greatest king of Israel and won the most number of wars!

• Abraham feared for his life and therefore, resorted to telling lies to others, specifically the king, that Sarah was not his wife but his sister (and yes, please help yourself to her!) He eventually became the father of all nations;

• Fast forward to the eighteen centuries, the Prince of Preachers, Charles Spurgeon. Although he was undisputedly one of the (if not THE) best preachers of his time, he had stage fright!

I just sit and marvel at all these famous people that God used during their times and truly if I had been there at that point in time, I would be immensely amazed at their strengths! But in reality, their strengths are actually their weaknesses! For it is stated in the scriptures that God’s strength is made perfect in our weaknesses! God was the one who transformed these people so that they could be the greatest people of their days! This brings tremendous hope to a fearful person like me. For in the midst of all my fears, God promise to deliver me, to redeem me, to set me free and most of all, to use my fears so that one day, they will be my strengths! And, this is the best part – He will never fail us!

The scripture says: “This is what the Lord says, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you O Israel: Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”

Therefore, if you have fear, take heart, God will be using your fear to transform it into your strengths!