There is one thing that I hate most that is being a hypocrite! I believe in being truthful and genuine to others, to myself and to God! Since college days, I stayed miles away from someone who was labeled as hypocrite; at work, I have always been drawn to people who are genuine; if anyone starts showing two-faced, sorry, I am going to turn my back and run.
Do you believe that the thing you hate most tends to reflect something in you that you are hiding from other people? Well, I certainly do! If I look deeper, I am actually one myself too. For those of you who know me or who have read my blog, you know that I have an underlying health problem: sinus. My parents said that I was born with it; My dad had it all his life; and his gene is now in mine. I have seen countless doctors. The last one that I consulted, who happened to be a Christian, suffered from sinus himself. “So, taking antihistamines is the only solution?” I asked. “Yup, I have been taking it all my life! If I skipped a day, my nose turns all stuffy again!” He replied matter-of-factly. “Ok, that settles it…I am born with it and now I have to live with it!” I said to myself. I have never prayed for healing!
Therefore, when I offer to pray for my friends who are sick, I felt something in me nudging “You know, you are slowing becoming a hypocrite yourself…outwardly telling people that you believe God can heal; inwardly, praying “ thy will be done!””
This condition continues until the day I received a sms from Liz, informing me of her condition, stage 4 lung cancer. I was immensely troubled as I could really relate myself to her; we are around the same age, attend the same church, have common friends and 2 wonderful children. “I can’t pray for her! My heart only knows “thy will be done” and nothing else…This is how I have been praying for all these years” I cried out to God. “ But this time, I don’t want to just pray “thy will be done”, I would like to ask for the impossible Lord but I don’t have the faith to do so” I confessed.
After dwelling in this dilemma and wondering if God would want to heal me, I woke up one day and decided that I should pray for healing! I mean, here I am facing my mole hill and complaining that I can’t climb it; there is Liz facing her Himalayas, and taking it on with great faith! God has put my faith to test and so far, I have failed; I am throwing in the towels without even realising it!
At first, I didn’t realize what was happening. I told myself its time to quit teh tarik, look after my diet, exercise more, consume more greens and take double doses of olivenol. Throughout this period, I prayed to God for healing. Doubts surfaced of course, like they always would! Instead of telling myself “ Ok, I just take the pill today, maybe God didn’t intend my healing to take place today; I will try again another time. Afterall, I could wait a bit longer for healing to take place...there's no urgency” I filled my mind with God’s promises and of late, “ the centurion” passage (see my blog on Recurring Dilemma). Here is what I notice: When my mind is turned to my circumstances, my lifetime trail of migrane and sinuses, I felt a sneeze oncoming! But when my mind is focused on the scriptures & God, my doubts just evaporated, even my sneeze would come to a halt!
One day went pass, and I survived without any medication. Before I knew it, 2 weeks went passed! Then, I realized that God must have healed me! Now, I fully believe that God can heal; He is our healer. My daugther, Clarissa puts it aptly:" Mummy, do you know what cures all diseases, big and small? Its Prayer!" and may I add now "its Prayer with Faith in God!"
Having experienced healing myself, I find that my prayer for Liz has changed. Its no longer "thy will be done" or "in accordance to thy will". Rather, I find myself claiming healing scriptures for Liz and believing in it fully. So, this is the amazing lesson I learnt:-
" I don't have faith to pray for the impossible--> ask God to grant me such faith--->I pray with faith-->God answers my prayer! "
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down on the right hand throne of God" Hebrews 12:2
Hi Fee
ReplyDeleteIt is so encouraging to read about your paradigm shift from self to God. I think the journey you're taking is much like how Liz, Henry and myself (I can't speak for others cause I don't know if they are going through what we are going through) are going through as we turn our focus off ourselves,our problems and our human efforts to try to solve our problems, and turn to the Almighty for help and restoration. I find it such a joy to worship and follow after Jesus because now it is no longer a "work" but a "grace" where he does the leading and we just follow. I remember sharing with Liz how we have to stop "helping" God in his work. I mean can you imagine us "helping" God for our healing? I think you have experienced it with your sinus problem as you have shared and as you focus on God the medicine you take isn't where your faith is but that you know that God is guiding you to take what you need or even better heal you entirely. I think everything is a journey and one cannot fix on a formula to follow else where is the faith? Anyway, I just want to continue to encourage you and your family to follow after Jesus and to continue to pray protection over your family and also for "great faith" like the centurion to move mountains that God will move for you because of the faith that Jesus has given you through his death on the cross. After all, didn't Jesus take all our infirmities (which include faithlessness?) to give us wholeness in all things? So how can we say we don't have faith or good things from God when his Son has given us ALL things? Oh, and lastly, claim Psalm 91 all the time when you feel fear creeping up when you read about H1N1 cases and keep repeating it till the fear goes away. Take care now!
Wow! I am speechless. Personally i think it takes bigger step to turn to God when there is no immeidate danger than when facing a trial like mine. And it really gives me hope and to know that our hope is in Jesus. Your testimony is so encouraging to me. It is soooooo true that when God's words go forth, it will not come back to Him void. If everyone could catch the fire this way, our church will be so ready for revival. And we could help each other too and claim healing for others too. It just goes on and on..I am so lost for words! Thanks Fee. Thanks for encouraging me and confirming again and again how awesome our God is. :)
ReplyDeletehi Kwong
ReplyDeletethank you for your ever encouraging words; yes, we have to stopping helping God and start allowing God to work in us!
hi bunny,
I owed more to you and what God is doing in your life that I could ever imagine. Its great to know you sister and walk alongside with you. Love ya but really, my love or for that matter, all your friends' love add together, is nothing compared to His Everlasting love to you!
love
Fee