A Nagging Feeling

I haven’t had this feeling for a long time until I listened to the speaker talking about the way Paul greeted Timothy with “Grace and Peace to you”.

Memories of my childhood came flooding back to me. As a child, I was a rebellious girl and being the youngest, I tend to get away with a lot of stuff, such as disobedience and talking back to my parents. Outwardly I may seemed tough but in reality, each time I did something wrong, I felt guilty. I wanted to apologise to my parents but my mind would dictate me otherwise; while my heart would be weighed down with guilt.

Fast forward to my teenage years, I became aware of my guilt feeling even more; no matter how hard I tried to shake it off, the feeling just wouldn’t go away. It was as though a small voice was telling me “You need forgiveness”!?; If I had offended a school friend, whether intentionally or unintentionally, I could feel it; worst, if memories of my childhood came to visit, I would again be haunted by the same feeling. I could watch TV or read novels all day but ultimately, the guilt stayed.

For sometime I didn’t know what this meant until Vera, my housemate, shared with me about Jesus and the need for forgiveness. First time in my life I discovered the antidote to this nagging feeling. What I could not understand was: “Why did I need forgiveness from Jesus when I didn’t offend Him but the people around me?”

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all our unrighteousness.”

Ultimately, only God has the power to forgive and remove such guilt in my life permanently; and to experience such deliverance, I need to come back to God and believe in Him. To my amazement, not only did I experience liberation from guilt but reconciliation with those whom I have offended, in particular my parents.

Experiencing grace (His forgiveness) and peace (being set free from guilt) for the first time was liberating! Thank you God for your sweet reminder that it was so wonderful to be free…from this nagging feeling!