Wired Differently?

For the longest of time, I wanted to do a surgical dissection on my heart or brain. Well, I am trying to figure out why I am a pessimist. Since young, I have had loads of negative thoughts bombarding me and eventually, to my dismay, I am able to cook up most of such thoughts, quite effortlessly. Then, through my adulthood, my pessimism slowly, unconsciously, turned me into a skeptic!

In my previous employment as an auditor, when asked to list what were the disadvantages of one option over the other, I would have no problem coming up with countless no-goes. In fact, I quite enjoy “shooting things down”! But when the question was to list the positive aspects, I would have a problem! Its like my heart is fighting with my brain; my back leaning against a moving wall; and eventually my brain will be subjected to vigorous exercise and after much “thinking”, I might just end up with something vaguely positive!

For instance, if I were to come up with negative words beginning with the alphabet “s”, I would happily list: sad, sick, stagnant, skeptic, scheming, stern, serious …etc; but if I were to list something positive, erm, I need to think, sober?

I wonder if many people are like me. Although you may think otherwise, I don’t enjoy being a pessimist and skeptic. Its like a hurdle that I have to overcome every time I pray or hope for something better. God knows how to deal with my weakness. In fact the recent events in my life have shown me that it is always better to focus on something better. And the key to stay positive is to immerse myself in God’s words. This may sound too good to be true but it is actually God’s promise to us:-

“Do not let this Book of Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:8-9

The Israelites, after they were delivered out of their enslaved lives in Egypt, arrived at the gates of the Promised Land and conveniently forgot about God’s goodness and faithfulness. Instead, they chose to focus on themselves, on how ill equipped they were for invasion, how poorly trained they were and how small they felt. I could almost see myself standing in the midst of them, asking Moses “Are you sure that you heard God correctly? We are used to being slaves, not warriors!” They had lost their focus on God.

Forty years later when the Israelites (now replaced by the younger generation, more eager and willing) arrived at the gates of the Promised Land, Jericho:-

Then the Lord said to Joshua “See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its kings and fighting men. March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with priests blowing the trumpets. When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets, have all the people give a loud shout; then the wall of the city will collapse and the people will go up, everyone straight in”

When I read this, my first thought was "Gosh, if I had known this 40 years ago, I wouldn't have thought what I did. Now, I feel like an idiot!" God will never give us a test to fail us; in fact, He will do all He can to make sure we pass with flying colours. The problems lie with us, our reluctance to believe, our unwillingness to remove our stare at ourselves and choose to focus on Him, who is greater. In this case, the Israelites had lost 40 years of good life by wandering in the desert. I wouldn't want to lose out on any time or blessing by being a pessimist or skeptic. Instead, I will choose to focus on Him and His word.